William pike 
Today william pike came to our school. what was awesome he only has one leg because. He was in mount ruapehu when it erupted the hot black rocks crush one of his leg. So he had to get it chop off what seems scary and painful. heres some photos 
Kia Ora Chloe,
ReplyDeleteThis seems like it was cool but you didn't really add any detail and next time you might want to check the words and if they make sense because lots of them I wouldn't be able to understand if I wasn't there with William Pike. You also didn't add why he was there and what you enjoyed. I honestly think It would be quite good if you added who he was specifically but other than that it was okay I guess.
Kind Regards
Julia
Yaldhurst Model School
Hello Chloe my name is Isabel, I'm a Year 6 at St Bernadette's School. I like the way you added in pictures to help explain what you wrote and you described what happened to William Pike. Maybe next time you could add in some more sentence about how the day was or some more facts about William Pike. Was it just your class or did William Pike go and see every classroom ?
ReplyDeleteKia Ora Chloe I love how you put in a detail in it. I have noticed that at the end of sentence the w is a low case, next time can you put a capital?
ReplyDeleteand my name is Chloe I come from Sockburn school
ReplyDeleteHey there thanks so much for the helpful comment. yes I will.
ReplyDelete